and at last we discover the difference between a “Post” and a “Thread” …
Last week, I read through 66 pitches rejected from Scott Alexander’s “Grants” program. I replied to 10 of them by email, and would have replied to more if I had more expertise or more money.
To be fair, this week, I am going to reject all 59 submissions up front, and write the most critical response possible here.
67. Investigate Weighted Belts As An Appetite Suppressant
This isn't really a request for money. What they need are people to try out the concept. And personally, I have no interest in wearing armor around the house for personal pleasure.
I have been workshopping a word: cojco (卡只家) (id: kosekosa) for a type of rules-driven, mission-based organization. It would seem to roughly define this concept.
However, it is a terrible idea in its presented form. In particular, at "the mission must be to have a seat at the UN" I tuned out. Though that might be an indictment of the UN more than this proposal.
#109: Writing That Explains And Normalizes Hybrid Remote/In-Person Schools
It's not clear if this is a "fellowship" grant (where the recipient will study) or a "practice" grant (where the recipient is operating an educational organization).
So long as the school curriculum includes learning the Korean Alphabet and basic ASL by the age of 11, I may be interested in a follow-up pitch.
#102: Screen Addiction Detox Via Competitive Water Fight League
for the last time, it is not "screen addiction" that is the problem, it is "having friends with screen addiction". I'm not sure what a water fight will do for that.
#99: Research Retraction Insurance To Ensure Retractions Get Publicized
The idea itself is so bad that it gets a full rejection, rather than a mere "this needs to be phrased in the form of a business" rejection. However, I will listen to this person's next idea.
#96: Improve The Readability Of Scientific Writing
The proposal is confusing, and the project undesired. Strong pass. We propose a different project: *Elsevier delenda est*.
I want one state legislature to pass a bill forbidding state university employees from paying to publish journal articles, and forbidding exclusive-rights agreements in exchange for publication.
(from the comments section) # 126: Restore the American Chestnut Tree
The only way to save the American Chestnut Tree is to clearcut an entire county (minimum 1000km^2) and put up walls so only non-migratory pre-Columbian species are present.
I heard a tall tale once of a man named Noah trying that. I think I will try something else.
There is a saying: "ideas are worthless". And this is just an idea. It is a terrible pitch. Why should I want to get involved with you on this anyhow? Isn't this the same thing that somebody else did on ACX a few weeks ago? (*gets a vaudeville hook*)
They have an online textbook. Unfortunately, it is unreadable. Anything that is about "quantum" is likely fake, and if they explain "spaced repetition" before they get to the uncertainty principle it is surely crap.
There are too many pitches rejected under the {category|clause} of "you are conducting a research program that needs to be affiliated with a university." Here are several of them.
There are too many pitches rejected under the category of "you are not looking for a grant, you are looking for an investment. if you will not learn the difference, you shall not receive either". Here are several of them.
There is no contact information. Which works in their favor here. A re-application with contact information could be more likely to receive a response.
The other problem is that this type of business requires a local investor, and I can't say anything in Slovenian.
#104: Bring Big Tech’s Optimization Experiments To The Masses
This is a business. It must be a business. The liabilities are too great to do this with a non-profit.
Most of this is the exact pitch Optimizely used a decade ago. The rest is a bad idea -- people should not try to "measure the effect of minor variations in diet".
67. Investigate Weighted Belts As An Appetite Suppressant
This isn't really a request for money. What they need are people to try out the concept. And personally, I have no interest in wearing armor around the house for personal pleasure.
#93: Found A Non-Territorial Nation-State
I have been workshopping a word: cojco (卡只家) (id: kosekosa) for a type of rules-driven, mission-based organization. It would seem to roughly define this concept.
However, it is a terrible idea in its presented form. In particular, at "the mission must be to have a seat at the UN" I tuned out. Though that might be an indictment of the UN more than this proposal.
#109: Writing That Explains And Normalizes Hybrid Remote/In-Person Schools
It's not clear if this is a "fellowship" grant (where the recipient will study) or a "practice" grant (where the recipient is operating an educational organization).
So long as the school curriculum includes learning the Korean Alphabet and basic ASL by the age of 11, I may be interested in a follow-up pitch.
#102: Screen Addiction Detox Via Competitive Water Fight League
for the last time, it is not "screen addiction" that is the problem, it is "having friends with screen addiction". I'm not sure what a water fight will do for that.
#99: Research Retraction Insurance To Ensure Retractions Get Publicized
The idea itself is so bad that it gets a full rejection, rather than a mere "this needs to be phrased in the form of a business" rejection. However, I will listen to this person's next idea.
#96: Improve The Readability Of Scientific Writing
The proposal is confusing, and the project undesired. Strong pass. We propose a different project: *Elsevier delenda est*.
I want one state legislature to pass a bill forbidding state university employees from paying to publish journal articles, and forbidding exclusive-rights agreements in exchange for publication.
I'm interested in proposals on this topic.
#94: A Clinic That Practices A New Model Of Community Medicine
Scott's readership still contains a substantial "SF Bay Area Local Politics" contingent. This falls in that category.
As for myself, I abandoned California years ago and would not dare touch the proposal.
#124: Develop New Systems For Understanding Model And Human Genetics
I don't think Dr. Bryan Andrews is looking for money, I think he is looking for graduate students.
(from the comments section) # 126: Restore the American Chestnut Tree
The only way to save the American Chestnut Tree is to clearcut an entire county (minimum 1000km^2) and put up walls so only non-migratory pre-Columbian species are present.
I heard a tall tale once of a man named Noah trying that. I think I will try something else.
#88: Daniel Ingram’s Nonprofit For Studying Emergent (ie spiritual) Phenomena
This is a flawed pitch. It is written entirely in tautologies. Once again, while they will take your money, they may or may not do anything with it.
#87: Gather Data On Successful Arguments
There is a saying: "ideas are worthless". And this is just an idea. It is a terrible pitch. Why should I want to get involved with you on this anyhow? Isn't this the same thing that somebody else did on ACX a few weeks ago? (*gets a vaudeville hook*)
#81: Entheogenic Plant Program For Addictions
Unfortunately, I don't know what the word "entheogenic" means.
This also looks like an anti-alcoholism treatment camp. Which, maybe the government should fund, but I would not endorse personally.
#80: A “Mnemonic Medium” To Replace Textbooks
They have an online textbook. Unfortunately, it is unreadable. Anything that is about "quantum" is likely fake, and if they explain "spaced repetition" before they get to the uncertainty principle it is surely crap.
ACADEMIC GRANTS
There are too many pitches rejected under the {category|clause} of "you are conducting a research program that needs to be affiliated with a university." Here are several of them.
#75: Study The Real-World Effectiveness Of Psychedelics
For ethical reasons, any studies involving psychoactive drugs must be conducted by a university and reviewed by an IRB.
#123: Next-Generation mRNA Vaccines
You need to pitch to an academic panel.
This pitch seems to be fishing for endorsements -- the Bill Gates Foundation may fund more people than George Church.
BUSINESS VENTURES
There are too many pitches rejected under the category of "you are not looking for a grant, you are looking for an investment. if you will not learn the difference, you shall not receive either". Here are several of them.
#108: EEG For Dementia Screening
There is no contact information. Which works in their favor here. A re-application with contact information could be more likely to receive a response.
The other problem is that this type of business requires a local investor, and I can't say anything in Slovenian.
#110: Invest In Organic Kolanut For Startup
They say this is a non-profit, but it's not a non-profit. What it is, is a business that is not going to make any profit.
As a business I would be interested in hearing more ... except their long pitch is in German. Nien sprachen sie Deutsche.
#104: Bring Big Tech’s Optimization Experiments To The Masses
This is a business. It must be a business. The liabilities are too great to do this with a non-profit.
Most of this is the exact pitch Optimizely used a decade ago. The rest is a bad idea -- people should not try to "measure the effect of minor variations in diet".
#100: Tools For Protecting People’s Legacies After They Die
In addition to the categorization error ... nothing says "permanent" less than a protonmail.com email address. Clean up your act.
#95: Make Programming By Voice More Practical
As a business pitch, it sounds promising. However, it isn't written as a business pitch, so I can't evaluate it that way.
#84: Study Cognitive Strategies, Argument Distillation, And Build A Better Social Network (3)
Once again, this is an investment pitch. And all three pitches are a swift and firm rejection, without explanation.
If someone is looking to hire a web designer, and he gives up on all three of these ideas, possibly worth giving him a call.
#69: Guided Reading Program To Help Children Catch Up
If you want to help children learn more during the pandemic, either get a job as a tutor, or get a PhD in Education first.
As an investment pitch, it is confusing what the product is. Is it audio recordings?
#68: Educational Software To Hit Developmental Windows In Babies
This isn't something that needs to be done with my money. I think it already exists. What about https://lookit.mit.edu/ ?